you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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