I got chris browned last night
I met the friendliest cop last night
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
