can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
