Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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