Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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