I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
