As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
