First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
