I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
