My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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