I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
