Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
