I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
