I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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