i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
