whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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