if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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