Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
