she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
