We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I understand Curling. That high.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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