I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
