Got a toothbrush?
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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