My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
nutella sex= disaster
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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