I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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