I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
