Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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