i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
