He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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