I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
