Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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This baby is an asshole
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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