Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
