You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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