you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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