Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
