Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
