How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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