Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
