You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
