why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
