I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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