i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
