I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Come see our sink grown plant.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
