bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
