I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
