I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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