Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
