Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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