Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
