Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
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