everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I need water and some morals
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
