You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
