At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize
