He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
