i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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