If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
