i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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