Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
