dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
