Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
