but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
