Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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