he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
