C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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