i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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