I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
