can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
