my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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