Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
