Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
