is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize