Barsexuality is the new black.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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