god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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