Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
A+ Viking dick
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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