Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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