my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
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dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
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No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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