Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize